just adding to my list of flaws

selfish

Audition Week

Here we go again
This unsettling feeling worsens with every passing moment
I guess I feed off of others emotions
This is a horrible quality.
Cause all around me I have Frantic. Eavesdropping. Anxious. Upset. Self-conscious people.
Is this the profession I’m entering into? I can’t handle their stress and mine.
Its as if I can’t breathe until the list goes up.
Still, the fact is that I will celebrate with a select few
And then dedicate myself to consoling everyone else.
Tough.
It all shall pass.
Then I can be normal with people again.
Then I can resume relationships.
Then I can smile and actually mean it.
But during this DREADFUL week of auditions and casting
I am the stone wall.

...watch me bruise and bleed for you

i can't wait to get out of this place.
these dungeons restrict me
these hallways are suffocating.
plastic mannequins around every corner
dirt bags lurking in the alleys
everyone trying to prove that they are somebodies
somebodies trying to uphold their reputations
they all blur into a sea of color
And just when I think that I've had enough
I think of you.
and my perspective changes.
everything will end.
its inevitable.
still, my brian screams a lurching, horrible noise
we've compared ourselves to a car crash once before
and here that image resurfaces once more
we're in a car that we know will crash.
leaving us both bloody and wounded
bruised and scarred.
yet the miraculous thing is that we embrace it
making the best of the time we have alotted
so bring on the riot
as long as i can hold you now
the car crash is justified in my eyes

and to think
you had been besides me all along.
patiently waiting as I ran around the world, soaking in the bizarre experiences of life
only to find myself back in your arms.

These things take my time and energy

I'm special? Really. You bubble over with praises, complimenting me left and right. I'm special. You've never felt like this before. You've never been this nervous around a girl before. My question is, what girl are you looking at? Do you even know me at all? I can't help but be skeptical. Heres the big letdown of the year: I'M NOT NORMAL, since you clearly haven't gotten the memo yet. I'm always wearing sunglasses cause I hate to see my whole face in pictures. Adrenaline rush and poorly made horror movies are my addictions. I stick old gum in the back pockets of my jeans. I never tame my hair. Attention is almost always what I'm seeking. I have big teeth. My clothes never fit. Spending the day on the couch watching endless reruns and movies is ideal. My taste in music probably sucks compared to yours. I carry around a stupid water bottle and recycle, even though no one gives a shit about saving the environment. Brace yourself for when I come undone. I'm a creative writer that runs out of creative ideas for weeks, even moths. My fingernails are dirty and my past is dirtier. Not as if this should discourage you or anything, but can't you do better? 

A Realization

Mr. Smith smokes his cigar contently in the backyard

For the first time in months, he does not hear Mrs. Smith

She always used to yell

The smoke would fill the pink kitchen where she cooked her roast.

The smell would creep throughout the whole cookie cutter house.

It made her dark eyes burn

It made her dull eyes water

More than their pending spilt.

Now Mrs. Smith is gone.

Dead or divorced?

What does it matter?

Mr. Smith can smoke his cigars now in peace. 

Soul Mates

After only seventeen years of living, breathing, sinning, laughing and crying, I’m among those lucky few who have found their soul mates. I have found the people in my life that god placed on this earth to walk with me, through all my different issues, boyfriends, hair colors, zip codes.  I have met those individuals who will remain by my side through all phases of my life.  And I’ve never felt more content.